Maybe

a personal and collective inquiry into what it means to be fat

Modern Western society defines most women as fat, and even more women define themselves as fat. How do we decide if we're really fat? What does fat mean to us?

Thanks for all your contributions! The first 5 years' worth of your "Maybes" have been moved to the Maybe Archive 1996-April 2001

Maybe I'm fat because they don't make backpacks with belts big enough to snap around my waist.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can walk a few miles and can complete an aerobics video marked "intermediate."

Maybe I'm fat because I can't walk up a flight of stairs without my heart's pounding at the top.

Maybe I'm fat because I can lift more weight than the other girls at the gym.

Maybe I'm not fat because I don't have to take the elevator.

Maybe I'm fat because sometimes my knee aches and creaks when I put weight on it.

Maybe I'm fat because I'm a great swimmer.

Maybe I'm not fat because if I exercise enough my knee doesn't ache and creak.

Maybe I'm fat because some chairs cut uncomfortable into my thighs.

Maybe I'm fat because I don't get bruises on my butt sitting on hard chairs.

Maybe I'm not fat because I've never broken any furniture.

Maybe I'm fat because I eat 2500-3000 calories a day, or because I like sugar and cheese.

Maybe I'm fat because I allow myself to enjoy food and eat enough to satisfy me.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have never eaten a whole cheesecake.

Maybe I'm fat because I can't cross my legs at the knee.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can curl up on the couch.

Maybe I'm fat because I make a good pillow when I'm curled up on the couch.

Maybe I'm fat because I can't breathe when I curl up into a fetal position.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can touch my toes.

Maybe I'm fat because I spill food on my shirt at practically every meal, but I hate to put a napkin in my collar because then I'll look obvious.

Maybe I'm not fat because I rarely eat dessert at a restaurant.

Maybe I'm fat because when I want to eat dessert, I do.

Maybe I'm fat because a weight chart says so or a doctor says so.

Maybe I'm not fat because my physical therapist didn't say anything about my being fat.

Maybe I'm fat because harem pants look good on me.

Maybe I'm fat because skirts don't hang right on me. Maybe I'm fat because I can't wear non-stretch pants.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can buy clothes that fit at Lane Bryant.

Maybe I'm fat because I weigh over 150 pounds, over 200 pounds, over 250 pounds.

Maybe I'm not fat because people tell me I "look compact."

Maybe I'm fat because I can lift and carry my lovers.

Maybe I'm fat because I can pick up my belly in my arms. Or because my body jiggles when it's jounced.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can feel my biceps.

Maybe I'm fat because my mother had me on a diet for ten years or because she said once that I looked six months pregnant.

Maybe I'm fat because fat women often have an easier time with pregnancy.

Maybe I'm not fat because my mother said I looked good the last time I saw her.

Maybe I'm fat because I have stretch marks all over my torso and butt.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have muscular calves.

Maybe I'm fat because my butt is big enough that I can't lie flat on the floor without straining my back.

Maybe I'm not fat because I like taking my clothes off in a public nudity area.

Copyright 1996 Stef Maruch. Adapted from a post to the mailing list fatdykes, for fat dykes and their female supporters.

Maybe Im fat because

Ive never been on a date

been laughed at because of my size

constant rejection

5x shirts

social anxiety

all my anger

My fear of being teased

My hatred of "pretty" people

I am lonely

I feel tired alot

get tired fast

Im always depressed

I feel pain and jealousy when I see pretty skinny people or fit people always glamoured over on T.V.

I dont like fat jokes

feel ashamed of myself

hate being naked in front a the opposite sex

feel quilty when I eat

hate to see my reflection

have to buy big clothes

cant buy clothes from A&F, Gap and a lot of other shows

because when I wasnt fat, the opposite sex gave me attention and I was always complimented and was accepted by the popular croud and people were jealous of me

the opposite sex wont stare anymore

Im always angry

I fear people's opinions of me

it takes very little to make me feel ugly

I feel like a freak and unnormal

Im over 300 lbs

Im ahsamed to eat in a restaurant

because when I run or jump I jiggle

when IM around big people, I feel normal and secure

I sweat too much

I hate mirrors

I broke chairs before

when in a seat it sticks in my sides

Maybe Im not fat because

I am very flexiuble

I can rep 220 lbs on the bench

I can flex muslces

I have huge bones

I can do 100 situps

I can wear jeans loose

my normal weight is 190-240lbs

Im fast in motion and runnin

I have a small appetite

Im cute

my coat hangs on me

I have biceps

Im clean

Im shy

Im nice

IM not always hungry

I dont eat all the time

I can sit in a car without it moving

I can sit in a chair without it breaking

Im muscular

Im a big guy

I dont hate everyone

I have love in my heart

I like big butt jokes

I have a small butt

my legs and arms are hard

I have friends

I am loved

Maybe I am fat because I know nothing else
Maybe I am fat for I am marriage to the same girl for 25 years.
Maybe I am fat for my son respects me.
Maybe I am fat because I am fat

Maybe I am fat since my tummy is huge

Maybe I am fat since when I get on my hands and knees my tummy reaches the floor

Maybe Im fat because as I sit and type this the waistband of my hip huggers dig so deep into my tummy flesh, my tummy will be sore all night

Maybe I am not fat since my lover likes to stroke the part of my abdomen where the waistband of said pants dug into

1. Maybe I'm fat because I barely fit into theater seats.
2. Maybe I'm fat because the bathtub seems small.
3. Maybe I'm fat because I can't ride a lot of the rides at Six Flags.
4. Maybe I'm fat because I hate exercise.
5. Maybe I'm fat because doc says I'm obese
6. Maybe I'm fat because I am easily winded
7. Maybe I'm fat because I LUV food!
8. Maybe I'm fat because I'll go sleeveless in the summer cause it's more comfy and I don't give a damn about what anybody thinks! Why should I be uncomfy just to fit into somebody elses's view of what's attractive? *slams fist*
9. Maybe I'm fat because even though it's hard to find stylish clothes I always manage to look good, (I got two of my formal dance dresses made for me and it was way more fun than buying from the rack! I'm doing that again this year!)
10. Maybe I'm fat because I've never once been afraid or ashamed of wearing a swimsuit
11. Maybe I'm fat cause I wanna be, because it makes me different
12. Maybe I'm fat because I'm gorgeous and I know it *wink*
13. Maybe I'm fat because I'm a brilliantly intelligent, open-minded,
strong-willed, beauty, who has every intention of becoming a billionaire and living to over 100!!!!! Put that in your shriveled up stomache and digest it Kate Moss!!! *sticks out tongue and gives her the rasberry*

Maybe I'm fat because my mother tells me I look pregnant.

Maybe I'm fat because I wear a size 24-28.

Maybe I'm fat because I snack on chips a lot.

Maybe I'm fat because I finish eating my meal first.
Maybe I'm not fat because I usually only have one or two small meals each day.
Maybe I'm not fat because when I'm the first to finish my meal, it's my first meal of the day.

Maybe I'm fat because it's part of my heritage: part of my genetics.

Maybe I'm fat because I don't get enough exercise.

Maybe I'm fat because my grandmother tells me I am.
Maybe I'm fat because of the fat jokes my grandmother makes about my Mom and I.
Maybe I'm not fat and my grandmother just makes the fat jokes because she's insecure about her own weight.

Maybe I'm not fat because when I'm all "done up" I think I look very attractive (sometimes).
Maybe I'm fat because when I'm all "done up" I only think my face looks attractive.

Maybe I'm not fat and I just pick clothes that aren't very complementary to my body.
Maybe I'm not fat and that's why the clothes I wear look dumpy and baggy on me: thus just making me look heavy.

Maybe I'm fat because I'm insecure about my weight.

Maybe I'm fat because I'm like my Mom and everyone, including her, says she's fat.
Maybe I'm not fat because I'm like my Mom and everyone, excluding my Mom, says she has a pretty face.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have attractive, long, muscular thighs.

Maybe I'm fat because my tummy exceeds my breasts.
Maybe I'm not fat because I am small breasted.

Maybe I'm fat because my panties go under my belly, but I like them that way ... it's comfortable to me.

Maybe I'm not fat because I've been sexually intimate with two different guys.
Maybe I'm not fat because I still have my one night stands.
Maybe I'm fat because after I orally pleased my first boyfriend, he never went out with me again. But maybe he was just a jerk only looking for a piece of ass.

Maybe I'm fat because when I go certain places I just feel like cringing and I just want to crawl out of my skin.

Maybe I'm fat because I used to wish I could switch bodies with some of the other girls at my school.

Maybe I'm fat because I grew up in a home with two obese women.

Maybe I'm fat because when I was in kindergarten a fifth grader made fun of my weight.

Maybe I'm fat because when I was younger, my favorite teenage girl thought I was so adorable and called me her "Little Butterball" and kissed my chubby cheeks ... I adored her, too.

Maybe I'm fat because I don't wear a size 1 like my cousin.
Maybe my cousin is too obsessed with trying to lose weight.
Maybe my cousin held on to being so thin, because she used to be fat, too.

Maybe I'm not fat because I like to use the treadmill.

Maybe I'm fat because when I go to the pool I dread the fact that people are going to be looking at me.
Maybe I'm fat because when I go to the pool I wear swim shorts and a T-shirt over my bathing suit.
Maybe I'm not fat, because a lot of girls are just insecure about their thighs and wear shorts, too.

Maybe I'm fat because I wouldn't look good in daisy dukes.

Maybe I'm not fat because I look good in jeans, especially my butt.

Maybe I'm fat because I've got shiny marks on my belly, breasts, hips and upper arms.

Maybe I'm fat because when I was in fifth grade I gained 20 pounds.
Maybe I'm fat because last summer I gained 30 pounds, but maybe that was just caused from the medication I was on.

Maybe I'm not fat because when I go to the Goodwill stores (and such places) I can still find clothes that will fit me: maybe it's just because the clothes I usually find are men's pants.
Maybe I'm fat and I just have a small upper body, and that's what allows me to find so many shirts from the above said stores.

Maybe I'm not fat because there are people that weigh more than I do.

Maybe I'm not fat because I love to dance, and I look good dancing.

Maybe I'm fat and I feel ugly,
Maybe I'm not fat and I feel ugly.
Maybe I'm fat and I feel pretty,
Maybe I'm not fat and I feel pretty.
Everyone has their days of ups
And everyone has their days of downs.

Maybe I'm fat because that's just the way I am.
Maybe I'm fat is just a label that skinny people give me.
Maybe I'm fat because of an endocrine imbalance.
Maybe I'm fat because I don't look like a withered corpse.
Maybe I'm not fat because my daughters tell me I am not fat.
Maybe I'm not fat because the men that I meet tell me how sexy and curvy I am.
Maybe I'm not fat because I take as much pride in my looks as I do my brains and personality.
Maybe I'm fat, and maybe I'm not. You are entitled to your opinion. Just remember, opinions are like butts, everyone's got one, but mine is probably bigger than yours and makes more of an impression!

maybe im fat because my stupid husband left me
maybe im not fat because we had 7 years together
maybe im fat because i feel my tummy when i get up and down
maybe im not fat because my tummy is what god gave me when i had 4 babies in 4 years
maybe im not fat bacause all four kids can comfortably lay on my tummy and stay cuddly and warm all night, thank you god!
maybe im fat because nurses and doctors give me strange looks and make me feel uncomfortable
maybe im fat because my clothes seem to get tighter and tighter
maybe im not fat because i am pretty
maybe im im not fat because my 4 boys say every day "YOU ARE THE BESTEST MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WUUUURLD!!!!"
MAYBE THAT ALL I NEED TO HEAR!

Maybe I am fat because I use to wear size 8, and now I wear size 22.
Maybe I am not fat because my little boy loves me so much anyway.
Maybe I am fat because I worry about my 11 year old daughter getting a bad image of me.
Maybe I am not fat because I feel so strong.
Maybe I am fat, because I feel so tired at times.
Maybe I am fat because my dad lowered my self -- esteem with daily beatings growing up.
Maybe I am fat, because my dad loved my fat sister and not me.
Maybe I am not fat, and this bulging is just temporary, since for nearly my whole life I was extremely thin.
Maybe I am not fat, because God loves me completely.
Maybe I am fat but that is O.K. for now.
Maybe I wish I wasn't fat, so I could do more, and feel more free.
Maybe my husband likes me just how I am, but he still remembers when I was thin.
Maybe my husband wants me fat, since all those men don't bother me anymore.
Maybe I should keep trying to love myself regardless of how others think I should look.
Maybe I am fat because that statement doesn't make me feel any better about lugging around this body.

maybe i'm fat because the media says i am.

maybe i'm fat because according to society a woman is not supposed to have curves.

maybe i'm fat because i think i am.

maybe i'm fat because my grandma says i have a big butt.

maybe i think i'm fat because that is the only way i can successfully hide from my problems and the hurt that is inside.

but...

maybe i'm not fat because i look feminine and not masculine.

maybe i'm not fat because i DO have curves.

maybe i'm not fat because you can feel my ribs, spine, and hip bones.

maybe i'm not fat because when i come home from school for the holidays, my family says i look thinner.

maybe i'm not fat because people say i look good.

maybe i'm not fat because my boyfriend loves me and lovesmy body.

maybe i'm not fat because i've been bulimic since i was 13.

maybe i'm not fat because i was hospitalized for my eating disorder.

maybe i'm not fat because i still can't bingeing and purging.

but then again, maybe i am fat.

but does it really matter if i am or not?

i'm loved, maybe that's all that matters.

        Maybe I'm not fat, because when I look in the mirror, and I look 
good, I KNOW I look good.  

        Maybe I'm not fat, because even the "skinny" people say they're fat- 
I don't think anyone knows what they're talking about anymore.  

        Maybe I'm not fat, because when I go shopping, I don't care who is 
there, or what they are thinking.  I'm doing something good for me.  

        Maybe I'm not fat, because even though my favorite store is Lane 
Bryant, I still come out of that store looking fabulous.  

        Maybe I'm not fat because I don't have to wear mini skirts and 
all-bearing shirts to make myself look oh-so-sexy, when half of the emaciated 
models have to wear next to no clothing to get any attention.  

        Maybe I'm not fat because my boyfriend tells me I am the most 
beautiful girl in the world.

        Maybe I'm not fat, because I don't get that pissed-off look on my 
face when I'm walking through the mall.  You know... that look that models 
have.  No, that look is NOT meant to be sexy.  The poor waifs cant help it.  
They have starved themselves so terribly that all they can think about is how 
much they want to get the heck out of there, and get something to eat.  So, 
the next time you see a pissed off model, don't think of how beautiful she 
is.... just remember my words: "poor little waif... she looks hungry."  

        Maybe, if more people in this world realized that life is more than 
interpersonal competition, we could ALL be happy.  But, no... in this world, 
everyone is out to be like someone else, or to look like someone else, or to 
dress like someone else.  And who do these people we look up to think they 
are?  They're making everyone unhappy because they make themselves look 
perfect.  And who do we think we are for letting them?  In my mind, if you 
are happy, and you look good- no matter what you are wearing-, and you know 
it.... well... then you ARE the most beautiful person in the world.  And, 
with this in mind, no one can stop you from being the true beauty you really 
are. 

Maybe I'm fat because it takes a lot of stamina to herd Dragons all day

Maybe in the 21st Century I'll go ahead and wear mini-skirts and leather pants and sleeveless shirts and shorts and bathing suits.

Maybe, the next time I'm in the Mediterranean, I'll go topless too, like the European women of many sizes and shapes.

Maybe in the 21st Century I'll stop defining myself by numbers on a scale or on clothing items.

Maybe in the 21st Century I'll enjoy all of my senses and embrace life fully, without fear of appearing fat in someone else's judgment.

Maybe in the 21st Century I'll dress beautifully and walk tall and proudly and be a role model for the young girls I teach and help them to be proud of their bodies and celebrate them whatever their size.

Maybe I'm fat because when I start eating cookies I can't stop.

Maybe I'm fat because I don't like to be touched on certain areas of my body.

Maybe I'm not fat because people don't make comments about what I eat.

Maybe I am fat because I don't like it when people mention that I look like I lost weight.

Maybe I'm fat because I wear a size 12.

Maybe I'm not fat because according to statistics I am exactly the height, weight and clothing size of the average woman in the US.

Maybe I am fat because sometimes I have to wear a size 14.

Maybe I'm not fat because sometimes I wear a size 10.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have never had to shop in the "plus" section or in a specialty store.

Maybe I am fat because I am constantly checking out my refelection to see how bad I look.

Maybe I'm not fat because once in a while I think I look OK.

Maybe I am fat because I really have no clear picture of what I look like.

Maybe I am fat because I really have no clear picture of what I look like.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have a 28" waist.

Maybe I am fat because I have 40" hips.

Maybe I'm fat because I have thought about starving myself.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have never starved myself.

Maybe I am fat because I have never starved myself.

Maybe I'm fat because I naver had dates in high school.

Maybe I'm not fat because later one those same guys came flocking to me. Maybe they figured out what a woman is.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have had many thin and handsome lovers.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have never dated a fat man.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have a loving husband who tells me I'm beautiful and is turned on by me.

Maybe I am not fat because I fit into Betsey Johnson clothes which run really small.

Maybe I'm fat because I can't run fast.

Maybe I'm fat because I hate the gym.

Maybe I'm not fat because I walk almost everywhere I go.

Maybe I am fat because I constantly compare the size of my body to other women's bodies.

Maybe I am fat because I never see women that look like me in movies or on TV.

Maybe I'm not fat because there are no normal sized women on TV.

Maybe I am fat because I am constantly concious of the size of my arms, tummy and thighs.

Maybe I'm not fat because I've never been told "you have such a pretty face....."

Maybe I am fat because my thighs and butt have some dimples.

Maybe I'm not fat because I got my belly button pierced.

Maybe I'm not fat because I got a tattoo on my butt.

Maybe I'm not fat because I am often told I look like Bettie Page.

Maybe I am fat because I have also heard Bettie Page referred to as a "big girl".

Maybe I am fat because I sometimes hear someone refer to another woman as fat and I think to myself "She's NOT fat!!!".

Maybe I'm not fat because I have lots of male friends.

Maybe I'm not fat because I don't think anyone has ever been embarassed to be seen with me.

Maybe I am fat because I have NEVER liked the way I looked undressed.

Maybe I am fat because my face is round.

Maybe I'm not fat because round is a legitimate face shape.

Maybe I am fat because I am constantly on a diet or feeling guilty because I think I should be on one.

Maybe I am fat because right now I still want to weigh 125 lbs.

Maybe I'm fat because I got married and had a baby when I was 14years old.

Maybe I'm fat because I stayed married to the same man for 20 years and then he dumped me for the size 10 secretary at work.

Maybe I'm not fat because I found someone else and had really good sex for a while.

Maybe I am fat because Mr. wonderful turned out to be Mr. I'm a piece of crap.

Maybe I'm fat because during all that good sex I got pregnant with twins.

Maybe I'm fat because all my life I have let a man run my life and my mind.

Maybe I'm fat because this is away to guard my broken heart.

Maybe I'm fat because I was told that I would never be anything.

Maybe I'm fat because if I hear "you have such a pretty face, if you would only lose weight" I'm going to beat the hell out of someone.

                                                 BUT

Maybe I'm not fat because my 20 year old daughter still says I love Mom before going to bed at night.

Maybe I'm not fat because my ex husband still call me everyday.

Maybe I'm not fat because I still drag my tired butt to work everyday.

Maybe I'm not fat because (when I look in the mirror see a size 7).

Maybe I'm not fat because I will lose this weight someday (it might me after I'm dead and gone).

Maybe I'm fat because I tried Slim-Fast when I was 12.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have a pretty face.

Maybe I'm fat because people only say I have a pretty face.

Maybe I'm not fat because I feel sexy when I'm by myself.

Maybe I'm fat because I only feel sexy when I'm by myself.

Maybe I'm not fat because I'm intelligent, witty and humorous.

Maybe I'm fat because my family's concerned about my health.

Maybe I'm not fat because I once found a boyfriend.

Maybe I'm fat because I've only had one.

Maybe I'm not fat because I love myself despite my weight.

Maybe I'm fat because I want abs of steel.

Maybe I'm not fat because I have nice legs and hands.

Maybe I'm fat because I have fat rolls I always cover up.

Maybe I'm fat because my mother, goddess bless her soul, says "You're not THAT big."

Maybe I'm not fat because society is wrong.

Maybe I'm fat because whenever my friends talk about diets I clam up.
Maybe I'm not fat because my friends tell me I'm beautiful & hug me.

Maybe I'm fat because I'm sick of turning on the radio and having every third commercial be a Metabo-diet pill commercial.
Maybe I'm not fat (or stupid) because I don't spend truckloads of money for pills that could endanger my health in the long run.

Maybe I'm fat because when I'm at the gym, most of the women are smaller than me.
Maybe I'm not fat because I keep up with the smaller women at the gym.

Maybe I am fat because a guy in high school told me "I'd be so pretty if only...
Maybe I'm not fat because a few years later he was marrying a girl bigger than me!

Maybe I'm fat becuase my adorable husband who loves me is fat.
Maybe I'm not fat because I've dated tall men and short men and thin men and fat men, and the perfect guy for me just happens to come in a bigger package.

Maybe I'm fat. Maybe I'm sexy. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just me, and that's all I need to know.

Maybe I'm fat because I can grab a whole fistful of flesh from my thigh.
Maybe I'm not fat because everybody says I'm beautiful.
Maybe I'm fat because my mother said that I looked huge when I stood next to my best friend in the 5th grade.
Maybe I'm not fat because I'm a great lover.
Maybe I'm fat because I went back to school and have a hard time fitting in the desks.
Maybe I'm not fat because I am very photogenic.
Maybe I'm fat because I don't fit into rollercoasters properly.
Maybe I'm not fat because my boyfriend says he loves me.
Maybe I'm fat because I eat chocolates just for fun, and I buy them for myself.
Maybe I'm not fat because my best friend tells me I am what a woman should be.
Maybe I'm fat because I can't buy clothes at regular stores anymore.
Maybe I'm not fat because the stores that sell clothes that fit me make sexy outfits.
Maybe I'm fat because my breasts are really big.
Maybe I'm not fat because my breasts are really big.

Maybe I'm fat because I weighed 120 in sixth grade.
Maybe I'm not fat because there was one other girl that weighed 125 in that same class.
Maybe I'm not fat because I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 155 pounds and could fit into normal size clothing.
Maybe I'm fat because the doctor who performed that surgery asked me "Is this all you're going to lose?"
Maybe I'm fat because I regained to 275 pounds.
Maybe I'm not fat because I've lost 40 pounds of the weight gain.
Maybe I'm fat because I got stuck in a restaurant booth and couldn't get out.
Maybe I'm not fat because I can always sit in a chair.
Maybe I'm fat because I couldn't fit in the theatre seats.
Maybe I'm not fat because some intelligent person invented "love seats" in theatres.
Maybe I'm not fat because there are people fatter than me.
Maybe I'm fat because there are people smaller than me.
Maybe i'm fat because I'm too short.
Maybe I'm not fat because I have an hourglass figure.
Maybe I'm not fat because I've found out that there are men who like THAT figure.
Maybe I'm not fat because my best male friend is married to a BBW and likes his women that way, not only for their beauty but for their personality, wit and intelligence.
Maybe I'm just me. Maybe I don't need a label.

maybe I'm fat because that's what my brother says.

maybe I'm not because I wear the same size shirt as the "girl with the perfect body".

maybe I'm fat because I weigh 150 pounds, i'm 13 years old, and I'm only 5 ft 3"

maybe I'm not because I don't think I am

maybe I'm fat because my docter says I weigh more than 95% of people my age.

maybe I'm not because thier is another 5% bigger than me.

maybe I'm fat because someone thin thinks I am.

Maybe I'm not because every one else thinks I'm not

Maybe I'm not fat...maybe, just maybe, I'm normal!

        Why do people think they are fat? Don't they realize things could be 
so much worse! I'm not fat! And no one can tell me other wise!

                            the girl with a reason

maybe I'm fat because that's what they always called me in high school

maybe I'm fat because my mom says so

maybe I'm not fat because my boyfriend says so

maybe I'm fat because I have to suck in my gut to see my feet

maybe I'm fat because my thighs are "bumpy" when I sit down

maybe I'm not fat because I have big feet and bones

maybe I'm fat because my arm jiggles when I wave

maybe I'm not fat because I've been dieting so long

maybe I'm not fat because I weigh less than I used to

but maybe I'm fat because no one ever hits on me

maybe I'm fat because my mother calls my bulges "obscene"

maybe I'm really fat because government charts call me "obese"

maybe I'm not fat because my butt is tiny

maybe I'm not fat because my boobs are tiny

maybe I'm fat because I don't feel sexy
maybe I'm not fat because I feel loved

maybe I'm fat and maybe I always will be

Maybe I am fat and maybe I am not and maybe, just maybe, I like who I am. Maybe the hugs I get from my son and my wife make me just right. Maybe the jokes and stares are just because "the beautiful people" do not have a home life as happy as mine. Maybe I do not fit into a sub-compact but who wants to drive a skateboard with wheels anyway? Maybe God does'nt care how big I am but how much I love my family and how I treat all those I meet. Maybe, nah, no maybe's about it, I like me.

Maybe I'm fat because I feel that men are being sarcastic when they = compliment me

Maybe I'm not fat because men compliment me

Maybe I'm fat because I always feel the need to be on a diet

Maybe I'm not fat because I'm always eating healthily

Maybe I'm fat because I feel self-conscious in skirts

Maybe I'm not fat because my friends say I should wear skirts more often

Maybe I'm fat because I hate going swimming

Maybe I'm not fat because I go swimming anyway

Maybe I'm fat because I'm not a size 4

Maybe I'm not fat because I don't care

Maybe I am fat because YOU told me so
Maybe I am not fat because you lie.
Maybe I am fat because I am not a size 5 anymore
Maybe I am not fat because I am a beautiful women
Maybe I am fat because I have given birth 3 times
Maybe I am not fat because I can still climb mountains
Maybe I'm fat but thanks ok...I am a strong,smart ,sexy women who knows there is more to a person then the # on the scale!!

maybe im not fat because i pretend people can't tell.                           
    maybe im not fat because i act like im not.                         maybe 
im fat because men dont look at me.                             maybe im fat 
because i cant dress the way i want.                     maybe im fat because 
im depressed.                       maybe im fat because im scared. 

Maybe

Maybe i'm fat because it's all in my head

Maybe i'm fat because all i see are people i'd rather be

Maybe i'm fat because i tell myself i am

Maybe i'm fat because i see something that's not there

Maybe i'm fat because i spend too much time in front of a mirror

Maybe i'm fat because i ate too much tonight

Maybe i'm fat because i weigh 100 pounds

Maybe if i don't eat for a week i can become 95

Maybe i'm not happy

Maybe i'm going insane

Maybe one day i'll be as thin as them

Maybe one day i'll weigh what i want to weigh

Maybe air is good enough to live off of for a day

Maybe i'll wake up tomorrow and i won't think this way

Maybe I am fat because it is safer that way.
Maybe I am fat because I do not like attention.
Maybe I am fat because men treat me like I am invisible.
Maybe I am fat because whenever I am not I get myself into trouble.
Maybe I am fat because I went to a psycologist and stopped sticking my finger down my throat.
Maybe I am fat because I don't know how to cope.
Maybe I am not fat because I know there are alot of people like me.
Maybe I am not fat because I am still thinking about doing it right.
Maybe I am not fat because my kids love me either way.

maybe I'm not fat because people always say your not fat (even though i weigh almost 300 pounds) because it's not sloppy

maybe i am fat because people always say you are so beautiful for a big girl (as if i were any smaller i would be ugly)

maybe I'm not fat because all of my friends think it's OK to make fat jokes about everyone except me because i'm hot

maybe i am fat because i never leave my house if my hair and makeup are not done because i have to be on top of a big girls game

Maybe I'm fat because I can't buy clothes that fit except from "full figured" catalogs. And still some of them are too small.

Maybe I'm not fat because I don't feel that fat when I look at a photograph of myself.

Maybe I'm fat because no man will give me a second look.

Maybe I'm not fat because I can still move around.

Maybe I'm fat because not even the guys on the Internet want to talk to me when I say I'm fat.

Maybe I'm not fat because I'm just squishy and very huggable.

Maybe I'm fat because I'm alone.

maybe i am fat because writing this is therapy for me
maybe i am fat because they say i am thick
maybe i am fat because since i lost weight men compliment me
maybe i am fat because now my mother tells me how pretty i am
maybe i am fat because my dance teacher never let me dance
maybe i am fat because a boy i liked once said so
maybe i am fat because my friend encouraged my weightloss
maybe i am fat because i dont like men looking at thinner versions of me
maybe i am fat because i like saying fuck u to the world that hate me being me
yeah just maybe

maybe i am fat because my size 1 friends say that they are, when i, a size 16, am there
maybe i am fat because i can't find a prom dress
maybe i am fat because i can't find a date to prom
maybe i am not fat because i have some close freinds who arent superfacial
maybe i am fat because i hang out of a swimsuit
maybe i am not fat because i love to swim
maybe i am fat because i have been used by guys, thinking physical acts will make them like me
maybe i am not fat because some of those guys were hot
maybe i am fat because i have only been told once that i was beautiful
maybe i am fat because i get called, a good friend, one of the guys, cheerful and nice but never hot
maybe i am fat because i cant shop at the "teen" stores
maybe i am not fat because i fit into the smallest sizes at lane bryant
maybe i am fat because i hate the way that i look, and i have thought of ending my life because of it
maybe i am not fat because sometimes i forget that i am, and enjoy my life
maybe i am not fat because i am not alone, and to anyone who feels like they are the only ones, in school or a work., they arent.. we should all stick together, because no one should feel alone

maybe i'm not fat because i have no reason not to be
maybe i'm not fat because i have lungs and other tissues and even organs that i don't play
maybe i'm not fat because i am able to roll around in mud and still sweat
maybe i am fat because i am persistantly checking my weight
maybe i am fat because i have no other choice
maybe i am fat because i've reduced myself into an insignifigont germ that spreads the disease of constant craving and purging. but who knows

maybe i'm fat because my five year old cousin said so.
maybe i'm fat because i wear long sleeves even in summer.
maybe i'm not fat because my friends don't talk about my weight.
maybe i'm fat because my girl cousin is always asking me in a worried vioce if she is bigger than me.
maybe i'm not fat because some guys look at me.
maybe i'm fat because some guys look at me.
maybe i'm fat because i'm ashamed to tell you all my real name.
maybe i'm not fat because somedays i feel almost pretty.
maybe i'm fat because i can see the disgust in their eyes.
maybe i'm fat because that's all i've ever known.

Maybe I'm fat because my "college clothes" don't fit anymore.
Maybe I'm not fat because my "post pregnancy" clothes don't either.

Maybe I'm fat because my 110 pound neighbor just got her stomach tucked.
Maybe I'm not fat because my husband thinks she's ridiculous too.

Maybe I'm fat because I can't wear the clothes I like in catalogs.
Maybe I'm not fat because I have four beautiful children.

Maybe I'm fat because my first grader asks when I'm going to be skinny again.
Maybe I'm not fat because I'm teaching her that body size is not tied to self worth.

Maybe I'm fat because I laughed out loud and cried at the maybes on this page.
Maybe I'm not fat because I understand and I am so lucky to be loved for being me.

Maybe I'm fat because I look like man compared to my friends
Maybe I'm fat because in first grade a sixth grader just glanced at me and broke out laughing "look at that fat kid"
Maybe I'm fat because the boys were getting into slap fight over who had to touch my body and I had to run ot the bathroom to stop the problem
Maybe I'm fat because the caricatures drawn by my enemies to make fun of me are of an obese person dying on an operating table
maybe I'm fat because when i look in the mirror at my butt it looks like blob that ate Cleveland
Maybe I'm fat because my thigh are thick and flabby enough for two people
Maybe I'm fat because my stomach jiggles when I run
maybe I'm fat because no guy likes me and act as if it's a big joke to even think about going out with a fat girl
maybe I'm fat because I lost the boy I was attracted to to a hot girl
maybe I'm fat because I will go stag to every prom of my life
maybe I'm fat because all of the dateless guys mention in front of me that they are dateless yet they never ask me
Maybe I'm fat because all of my thin friends can eat me under the table and complain how fat they are, yet no one reassures me that I am not like they are reassured
maybe I'm fat because I can't run a mile under 10 minutes
maybe I'm fat because I'm told that I'm pretty, not by any prospective gentleman not by any one sincere but by people who want to get me off their back
maybe i'm fat because any guy who is suggested for me (who himself does not want to go out with me) has some problem with him
maybe I'm fat because I eat large amounts of food in the afternoon
Maybe I'm fat because I don't exercise enough
maybe i'm fat because I'm too lazy to lose weight
maybe I'm fat because I am a sinful glutton who cannot control the impulses of the flesh
maybe I'm fat because when i did lose weight all I was concerned about was not becoing anorexic
maybe I'm fat because I envy those who are anorexic
Maybe I'm fat because I'm scared of actually being attractive
maybe I'm fat because I was always the ugly fat kid
Maybe I'm fat because I'm a quitter
In the court of law you need evidence beyond a reasonable doubt to convict someone of a criminal action. the jury's in I am fat

Maybe some people will take this the wrong way, but here goes.

maybe this chauvenistic society tells me i'm fat because they're scared of big, strong, beautiful, confident women like me taking a prominent place in society.

maybe they tell me i'm fat because they want me to concentrate on starving myself sick rather than getting my PhD and taking their jobs.

maybe i shouldn't worry about making myself miserable on some starvation diet just to please some shallow man (or woman) who wouldn't give me a second glance otherwise.

maybe i'm fat because i don't want these type of bigoted people in my life in the first place.

maybe the only thing i accomplished by constantly dieting and changing my persona in the past was getting mixed up in the wrong crowd and paying the consequences.

maybe i should just let all of these negative bigoted people go comiserate in some far off place and be happy that i don't have those types of hang-ups keeping me down.

maybe i'm not fat because i have too much respect for my body to mutilate it under a knife or starve it any more.
maybe men are scared that good nutrition keeps a woman stong and able to fight off their unwanted attentions.
maybe this whole thin thing is really patriarchal society's last ditch effort to undermine women's confidence and self esteem, and to drive us back from the social progress we all worked so hard to create.
maybe i'm considered fat because i do not have a genetic predisposition toward the ectomorphic build.
maybe i know i'm beautiful and i'm so confident in that fact that i don't need society's approval to tell me so.
maybe society's image of beauty is sexist, size-ist, heterosexist, and quite frankly, racist.
maybe there is no magic number on the scale that automatically endows us with health. but good nutrition and a positive emotional state certainly do.
maybe these thinness fascists need to join the millenium and explore this idea of tolerance we've all heard so much about.
maybe most the kids who made fun of me in grade school are now losers in adulthood and only made fun of me out of jealousy, because i was still happier than they were.
maybe these thin people should realize that they, too, will one day age past their own standard of beauty. maybe we could stand side by side and count our wrinkles together one day.but you know what? I'll still be beautiful while they pout,because my beauty runs much deeper. it's called confidence.
Maybe, just maybe, what goes around will come around some day.